A Monster Within Me

Today I have been sick for 9 months.

Most of the time when I tell people how long it's been, people give me a really weird reaction. They extend pity and sympathy, which is kind, but it's not what I'm looking for. I see this as a milestone; while I'm not happy about my circumstances, the joy of the Lord penetrates the worst of circumstances. He redeems the worst people and the worst trials to make His beauty known. The nine month mark of being sick is evidence of that to me; I see not nine months of trial but nine months of grace.

My life has completely changed since getting sick. It started with a stabbing pain in my left foot in the way home from a road trip with friends, an unusual and alarming pain that wouldn't go away. I was then diagnosed with a neuroma. After a while it spread to two, three...six neuromas, an unheard of diagnosis. I was diagnosed with tarsal tunnel, a pinched nerve in my ankle. But the pain spread and became unilateral (both feet), then soon I had unilateral carpal, cubital, and tarsal tunnels--pinched nerves in both of my wrists, elbows, and ankles, respectively. Another unheard of diagnosis. It spread to my lower back, arms, and made half of my left hand numb. I was tested for frightening and untreatable autoimmune diseases. We ruled out rare conditions that cause a painful and short life. The pain got worse and continued to spread--my shoulders, my neck, my face. The doctors are stumped.

Daily life looks completely different now. It's structured around taking medications, putting everything on hold for doctors appointments, and canceling weeks of my life when I'm in too much pain to get out of bed. The braces around my back, elbows, and wrists restrain me like this disease has restricted my life. I know all too well the side effects of medications: getting dizzy and lost on an elevator, days of nausea, the cripling effect of brain fog, drunkenly falling out of bed, feeling like I'm losing my mind. Constant pain serves as a constant reminder for my imperfections.

I know the fear of not knowing what's happening to my body, if I'll ever be well again, or if I'll ever live a normal life. There's a monster inside of me, and I don't know its name. Is it eating me away? Or are the remedies I use to make it through each day what are destroying me? Should I fear liver damage from my medications or long term nerve damage from this disease? Should I fear for my life?

I hate this monster. I hate what it has done to my life. If I could kill him without destroying myself, I would.

But when I don't know what to fear, I learn not to fear.

I have lost many things from being sick. Opportunities, comfort, friendships, freedom, the ability to perform simple tasks, even my handwriting has changed. I say all of this because I have learned the following:

A thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) 

I am incredibly weak, in some of the most practical and obvious ways. Some days I am too physical weak to stand and must be carried to the bathroom. Other times my medication changes my ability to think so drastically that friends and family must take care of me, help feed me, and walk me across the street because I am too sick to notice the oncoming cars. I go days, even weeks feeling like a stranger with a different personality. Even in the midst of this trial, I still struggle with turning to God but instead react to pain with anger and sin--I am so spiritually weak in the simplest ways. And goodness gracious am I emotionally weak, like I never knew I could be. I feel frail and worn out, I'm exhausted and sometimes feel hopeless.

I am not complaining. I am boasting.

God has allowed this to happen. This does not make me angry at Him. I get angry sometimes that I am sick, but He has continually shown me that He is still good. He allowed me to be sick because somehow, in a way I cannot understand, me being sick for 9 months is what glorifies Him the most. I hate the monster that reminds me of my fallen state and the imperfections of this world. My eyes are opened to a new level of suffering that so many experience much worse than I can comprehend, and I long for the return of Christ when sin and evil and pain will end forever.

I hate this monster, but I love the Father who uses even the worst evil to teach us of His love. I now know what depending on Him for daily bread feels like. I have learned to not trust my own plans for the future, whether it's plans for the weekend or the summer or my life, I never know what my health will be doing. With so many misdiagnosises and now being undiagnosed, I have learned not to lean entirely on my own and my doctor's understanding but take comfort that God knows everything. My Maker holds my health, and I'm learning to let that be enough.

I've prayed Psalms from the inside of an MRI machine. I've joked with nurses while they draw my blood and hook me up to IVs. I've almost fainted in a professor's office. I've been carried through a McDonald's. I've had to ask for help. I've had to let others love and serve me. I've seen people fail me and had to forgive them.

This is not the life I would have chosen, but there is a Savior who has chosen me for it. There is a peace that passes all understanding. I am as undeserving of this peace as I am of the grace that gets me through each day and the love that surrounds me and overflows my cup.

It's been nine months. Nine hard months, but nine of the richest months I've ever experienced. This isn't the anniversary of the day I lost something, but the day God moved my life in a direction I hadn't anticipated. As a Puritan prayer puts it:

"I rejoice to know that all things are at Thy disposal, and it delights me to leave them there."

Resting in the sovereignty of our Lord,
Happy 9 months.

Water is the New Sidewalk

The past six months have been phenomenal--I've learned so much, depended on God in new ways, made new friends, transitioned to a new phase of life, and grown up a lot. I love my life right now. 

About a week ago, I passed the six month mark on when a weird pain started in my foot. Since then the pain has moved to nearly every other area of my body; it has manifested in many different ways, I've been to more doctors than I can remember, tried more medications than I care to think about, and been tested for diseases I hadn't known existed. It's funny, though, how normal this all seems. Wearing braces, keeping track what of time I take what medication, limping, and planning out my days to avoid walking as much as possible is routine for me now. 

You can get used to doing what it takes to get by, but not the pain itself. I don't think you can ever get used to chronic pain--the stabbing pain with each step, the sudden sharp cramps, the numbness, the tingling, or the worry of noticing when something else is wrong. There are times when I feel almost hopeless--like my body is refusing to work, falling apart, shutting down on me and no one can figure out why. But I'm not hopeless, and I never will be. There really is a "peace that passes all understanding," a God-given ability to "rejoice in the Lord always," and a "joy [that] comes in the morning." 

Yesterday my pastor talked about Jesus walking on water and storms in our lives. He said that God allows storms for a reason, and when the reason is fulfilled the storm will end. He showed how when Peter focused on Jesus the storm was not important, and only when he his attention strayed from Jesus did he sink. Whatever the purpose of this particular storm, apparently it is not fulfilled. That is encouraging to me--I have learned so much already, and there is more yet to be learned. I look forward to the day when I can walk normally, run around and be goofy, not have to worry about having my orthotics and braces and all my medications each morning, wear whatever shoes I want, serve others instead of always being served, stand on my toes, prop myself up on my elbows, and not have to take breaks from sitting up to go lay down. But there is purpose for pain, there is joy in suffering, and every flare has that beautiful moment when I realize my pain has subsided. 

I've learned to depend on others. I've learned to discern when to ask for help when I need it and to suck it up. I've stopped caring about what other people think while I adjust my noisy back brace, limp, shake the bottle of Tums in my backpack with each step, look terrible because it took all my energy to get out of bed, and miss out on fun events because of my pain. Well, I should say, I'm learning to do all of these things. It's still a struggle, but one day I will get there. There is a time when the purpose of the storm will be fulfilled and the seas will calm. Until then, I will keep looking at Jesus and walking on water.

Well, limping on water. 

Super Duper

While this blog may look like proof that I'm the most un-diligent person ever, I'm just so busy being diligent at everything else that I don't have time for blogging. That makes sense, right?

I have many things I could turn into entire posts, but I really don't feel like taking the time to write all of that, so I'll fall back to a super condensed combo-post with way too many unrelated things all mushed together. Cause that's what all the best bloggers do... I bet...

This post will mainly consist of things that I'm learning, in no particular order. I'm learning a super duper lot lately, and it's been amazing. Also, I should stop saying "super duper," because it makes me sound super duper unintelligent.

God is teaching me to let Him be strong in my weaknesses. I'm working on some very dark chapters right now, and it makes me feel so helpless against this evil. Abortion is huge and so devastating, I long to do something to end it. God has told me to do something, but it feels so small against everything working against me. What's more, I don't even feel like I'm capable of doing what He has given me to do. But, He is strong in my weakness. A friend pointed out to me that He wouldn't give me something to do that I can't, and I need to be weak so that He can be strong.

I love making London Fog Lattes, and I think when this blog post is done I will make one. (8 ounces extra strong earl gray tea, 6 ounces steamed milk, vanilla syrup to taste. Vanilla syrup is two parts sugar, one part water, and vanilla extract. You can thank me later.)

Also, God is so faithful, and He has my future in His hands. There are so many unknowns, but still my future looks bright and beautiful because He is already there. Also college. It's gonna happen.

Mumford and Sons' unreleased songs on Youtube are the best.

On the cross, God took my sin upon Him and gave me His righteousness. While I am not yet righteous and still sin, He sees me as already righteous. I have the capability of not sinning because of this. I am living in the already-but-not-yet. I love this so much.

Salutations,
Becca

A Post About Posting Habits (and other things)

Once upon a time I posted something and said I would be consistent about posting, then I got really busy with finals and college applications and stuff. When I finally finished the semester and had three weeks off of school, I had no reason to procrastinate and thus, no reason to blog. Here I am yet again, the first Tuesday of my last semester of highschool, and I'm blogging again. Break ways amazing, but good news, world! The sleep deprived, caffeinated, blogging Becca is back!

(Another reason I stopped posting is that I decided I didn't want to post anything that wasn't super interesting and worth your time. Then I got shy and insecure and wondered why anything I had to say is worth your time. Then I got lazy. The latter is probably the most significant factor for my absence, however.)

I had some really good ideas for a blog post today, but I forgot them. Anyway. I have a ton of homework coming up, so stay tuned.

Plus also. It is my goal this semester (besides survive, finish highschool with decent grades, avoid senioritis as long as possible, get into college, make big decisions for my future, and learn some new songs on the ukulele) is to write for a minimum of 30 minutes everyday. Now, to be totally honest, I'm lacking motivation and excitement for writing these days (something you could pray for me about), but despite all of that I was able to write for about an hour today! If this is going to work in the long run, though, I need people bugging me about it to keep me accountable. My personal goals always fail because it's so easy for me to forget them. So bug me!

I think that's all I have so say for now. I'm sure after I post this, the floodgates will open and I'll have a million ideas. In the meantime, though, I must read my economics text and ponder philosophical things. (That makes "homework" sound so much more interesting and intelligent, am I right?)

Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and Happy freaking Holidays, everybody! I didn't get to write a nice, long post all about thankfulness and Jesus and nostalgia, but I'll probably find myself doing that in the middle of the night a few times this semester regardless of holidays when we're supposed to do it. So get excited. ;) Happy second semester, everybody!

College Application Essays

I'm writing a college application essay about an experience that has influenced my life. Naturally, I choose my experience writing a book as a teenager about one of the most controversial subjects of our time that I apparently have no authority to write about.

Now that I've really stopped to think about it, I realize I've learned so much from this book. If you wanna learn a lot about yourself, go write a book.

(P.S. I have a list of blog posts I want to write, but college applications and a 15 page research paper stand in my way first.)

College Mail

I get it, College. I want to be with you, too. You'll just have to wait for me, Darling. Just please stop sending me so many letters.

New Friends

I'm on the process of learning something crazy. Did you know there are other teenagers passionate about abortion, besides me? Yeah, my mind is blown too. And they're pretty amazing people.

God gave me two new friends who are my age and have the same passion that I do. Every time I hear from one of them I get so excited. We can get excited and talk about stuff that all of our friends would roll their eyes about. It's like when you put two nerds in the same room, suddenly they're speaking a different language. I've never had that before, and it's awesome.

And yet again, God provides us with things we could never get on our own. Becca made a friend! :)

Read the amazing blog by one of my new friends, Aubry, here.

Bricks and Sucker Punches

A Bible study leader told me a few years ago to never ask God for a brick, because He will definitely send one. When you're praying about something and trying to make a decision, asking God to make it as clear as possible (like hitting you in the head with a brick) is very effective and often very painful. The example she used was when she was trying to decide whether or not to quit her job. She prayed and asked God to hit her with a brick, then the next day she got laid off. Apparently, God did want her to quit, so the brick He sent was doing it for her. I've asked God for a couple of bricks, and boy, they're painful. If you ask God to make something clear at the expense of your own comfort, He probably will.

This is how I feel today.

The past few weeks God has been speaking to me in another way, besides bricks. After studying Proverbs 31 with my Bible study I asked God to make me into a godly woman, the woman He made me to be. I wasn't looking for a brick this time, so instead He delivered a series of sucker punches to the gut. A lot of them. After lots of long conversations Saturday night with various people about all different topics, I sensed that God is creating tension in my life to make me grow. At church Sunday morning during the main service, God gave me a huge reality check about my life. Then in youth group, every single word my youth pastor said was another punch to my gut. I left church feeling completely pathetic and helpless. I'd let my attitude, focus, and motivation for everything I do get so far off track.


This morning, I looked at the question I have to answer this week for my manifesto I'm writing for school. It was another huge punch to my gut delivered by the fist of God's sovereignty. As I care for my wounded gut, I have to write a paper about all the areas of tension and change in my life. Time to get back on track about everything. Time to focus on God. Time to invest in a shield and a helmet maybe? Maybe just listen better, so God wont have to do this again.

Somehow, just focusing on God makes moments like these so much better. Instead of feeling pathetic, I'm trying to focus on God's love for me and His incredible, overwhelming forgiveness for my stupidity. This song describes that perfectly for me.

When you want God to change you or make something obvious for you, He will. Just know that it's not super pleasant. Sometimes it's more like being hit in the head with a brick or being punched over and over again.

Wow, You're So Judgemental

This was originally posted in May, 2011 on tumblr

Today I had a funny realization. Well, I hope you find it funny, because to me it’s just shameful and embarrassing and a terrible reminder of my humanity. I was reading 1 Peter 2 (one of the most convicting chapters ever) and with each verse I felt like I was being pummeled with more conviction-stones. Verses 11-17 were hard for me to read, especially 17. “Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.” Short, sweet, to the point. And horrible. My thought process went something like this: I know some people who aren’t doing this. They are constantly judging and questioning authority. They act like they know everything about this situation, but I heard something else from so-and-so, so they must be wrong. How can they be so judgmental? 

Then came that terrible moment when I actually thought about what I was saying, put myself in the verse instead of everyone else but me, and realized how stupid I am. God likes to do this to me a lot, and I’m still not sure how much I appreciate it. (I’m definitely exaggerating here. Conviction is good, realizing my sin is good, I just hate the sting at first. For some reason believing you’re perfect is easier than working to get rid of sin in your life. Huh.) I was sitting there, Bible open, praying to God, telling Him all about how He needs to go convict this person of their ridiculous sins of ignorance, arrogance, and judgmentalness. I was being judgmental about someone else being judgmental about something that I obviously know nothing about. 

Ouch. 

A teacher at school recently talked about how easy it is for us to compartmentalize our minds. We know about all these sins, wrong ideas, false beliefs, then we place them in boxes in our minds and label them “BAD.” Then, when we meet people who subscribe to these false ideas and beliefs, we put them in those boxes. We lose discernment and begin judging. The person who God loves doesn’t matter any more, because we’re right and they’re wrong. And well, apparently I do this too.

I hope you enjoyed this. I didn’t. 

:)

Moses

Originally posted in March, 2011 on tumblr. 

Note: this was posted a while ago, and thanks to some hardcore editing I'm not nearly as close to being finished now as I was then. This isn't a bad thing at all, it's just how editing happens. 

Stress and Big Prayers

After a much needed two week spring break and a week of being sick, now “real life” has to start again. The other day I was thinking about the coming quarter, I got slightly overwhelmed at the lists of things that needs to be done. Besides school, there’s babysitting and family and so so much writing to be done to keep me busy. With only four chapters left to write (only one of which requires a lot of research! Hallelujah!), completing the first draft seems so close but still just out of reach. While thinking about all of this, I began praying. “Help me glorify You. Did I say that wrong? Be glorified through me. In me. Despite me. This is one of those scary prayers that I don’t know if I want to pray—but I feel as if I must. Help me depend on You. Make me depend on You.” In the book Forgotten God Francis Chan talks about how God will do something completely unexpected in the most unlikely person possible in order for Him to be glorified even more. I’ve been thinking about that a lot the last few years. 

Unlikely People Doing Unexpected Things

My favorite example is Moses, because he was so unlikely for the job God gave him to do. He was born an Israelite, but grew up in Pharaoh’s house as an Egyptian. When he was around 40, he went out and saw an Egyptian beating a Israelite man. Moses killed the Egyptian and buried his body, which made the Israelites fear him. Once Pharaoh heard Moses had killed an Egyptian, Pharaoh tried to kill him as well. In a matter of days, Moses found himself belonging nowhere and hated by everyone. I can’t imagine that in my own life; everything being normal one day, then suddenly everyone hating me and trying to kill me. He ran, and left behind him his family, friends, everything familiar and dear to him. Years later God came to Moses in an unlikely way, a burning bush, to give him an unlikely task. 

God said to go back to the country where he’s an outlaw. Go to the man you grew up with as a brother who probably now hates you (who happens to be the king by now), and tell him to let all of his slaves go. Then become their leader, despite the fact they hated you too, and bring them out of oppression and into the wilderness. After hearing this, Moses promptly reminds God that he has a speech impediment (which is kind of funny, actually). All the odds are against him. There were so many people who would have been a more reasonable choice to do what God was telling Moses to do. What does God say? “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak” (Exodus 4:11-12). Now, it seems unlikely enough that the most powerful king on earth would listen to a man without an army when he said to let all of his slaves go free. Then throw in the other variables that Moses was an outlaw, wasn’t exactly on friendly terms with anyone, and could very easily be thrown into slavery with his fellow Israelites. Not to mention he was putting his own family at risk by bringing them to Egypt with him. But God had a bigger plan: “Now therefore go, and I will be your mouth.” God wants to use our weaknesses to show off His strength. I used to always think He made us with our different talents and abilities so we can serve Him best. While that’s somewhat true, I think He gives us our weaknesses even more for Him to be glorified. 

I’m not an outlaw, I’m not hated by everyone, I’m not suffering from a speech impediment, and there aren’t people plotting my death, but I do have my own weaknesses. There are so many things that should disqualify me for doing what God has me to do. I have nothing interesting about me to make people want to read what I have to say, I’m not that great of a writer, I’m only sixteen years old… Just to name the most obvious, but the list goes on and on. However, God is telling me to “go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” 

Prayer Is an Opportunity for God to Shine 

Asking God to make me depend on Him is intimidating. Actually, it’s really, really scary. Setting out to write a book on on of the most heated topics of our time as a teenager is really, really scary and intimidating. Praying and asking God to end abortion and the daily murder of thousands of innocent children is also scary and intimidating. But God is a big God, and if we don’t depend fully on Him, He wont have the opportunity to provide for us in big ways. If we’re not weak, He wont have the opportunity to be our strength. If we don’t pray big prayers, He wont have the opportunity to give us big answers. 

So, these next few months, I’m going to be depending on God. The normal Becca stresses out each week because of just homework, and really can’t manage much at all. Instead of freaking out, I’m learning to ask: What is God going to do despite of my weaknesses next?

Why the Heck Are You Writing a Book?

Originally posted in February, 2011 on tumblr. 

Woo-hoo. Little Book Girl’s got herself a blog. 

For my first blog post ever, I wanted to explain the question I get asked more than any other: “Why the heck are you writing a book?” I’m a sixteen year old highschool girl who’s setting out on the ridiculous mission of writing a book. For teenagers. About abortion. Believe me, I’m still in shock too. It’s still an absurd thought that I would be doing something like this, and I laugh about it frequently. Let me try to explain why I’m doing this. 

In the Beginning, There Was a Research Paper

It started with a research paper, assigned to me in early 2009. The assignment was a 7-9 page paper on an American “anti-hero;” certainly a daunting task for ninth-grade me. The list of people we could choose from included Betty Friedan, Karl Marx, Charles Darwin, Margaret Sanger, and many more. While my topic was still undecided, one day my teacher came up to me at church and asked me about my paper. She told me, “You should write your paper on Margaret Sanger!” For some reason, I completely agreed with her and just took her word for it. From that moment on, I knew that’s what my paper needed to be about. It’s odd explaining it, but I felt as if it had already been decided. 

2.5 billion: Dead. 

I soon began researching the life and legacy of Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood. In my research I read books like Killer Angel by George Grant, Why Can’t We Love Them Both by Dr and Mrs Willke, and Won by Love by Norma McCorvey. I read dozens of pamphlets and brochures about everything related to abortion. I read websites like theunchoice,justfacts, and afterabortion. Everything I read lead me to one conclusion: abortion is a heinous act of murder and treachery, and somebody has to stop it. I clearly remember the moment, sitting at my desk in my room, reading Grant’s Killer Angel, when I read that 2.5 billion children have been killed by abortion. That has left far more than 2.5 billion people scarred by the abortion—mothers, fathers, siblings, family members, doctors, nurses…billions of people. I was stunned. I felt helpless against such a huge evil; there was nothing I could do. 

Do Hard Things 

Soon, I finished my paper and turned it in. I hadn’t totally forgotten about abortion, it seemed to lurk in the very back of my mind. I didn’t start thinking about it daily until later that summer. I read Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris and suddenly I could believe that teenagers could do big things too. Teenagers can, and are, changing the world. I attended their Rebelutionconference where I heard of Abort73. I looked them up when I got home, and the horrors of abortion became fresh in my mind again. Despite lots of other things going on in my life, abortion became the front and foremost thought in my mind. I memorized statistics. I littered my room with sticky notes. I read anything I could get my hands on about it. Finally, I emailed my teacher who I wrote my research paper for and asked her what to do about it. 

“Hey Becca, Write a Book”

A few weeks later, she came up to me at school and said something that, since that moment, has completely changed my life. “Becca, I think you should write a book.” She went on to explain how much teenagers need to know about this; it directly effects our lives and we have the power to do something about it. I knew right away this is what I had been waiting for; this is what I needed to do. I continued to pray about it. I was incredibly hesitant to tell even my friends and family for fear I would fail. But God gave me an incredible peace about it, and more faith than I had ever experienced before. This is what I was made to do. This is why I am here. I’ve become more comfortable with the thought of writing a book, it’s gone from terrifying to hilarious. God has provided for me in so many ways for this book—from giving me a free laptop right after first telling me to write a book, to people frequently sending me links to things right when I need them the most. It’s been an incredible growing experience for me, and I hope to share some of that with you as God moves, I write, and life goes on. I’m still figuring out how in the world you’re supposed to write a book (much less as a teenager and about abortion), and I’m blown away over and over again by God’s grace in the midst of this chaos. 

That is the condensed version of why I’m writing a book. God works in such mysterious ways, I could never write all of them in a blog. I don’t think even I will fully understand why I’m doing this—other than because God said to. Nothing brings me greater joy than doing this. I’m hoping I can share that with you through this blog. Let’s hope I actually update it :) 

Here are some more FAQs (I’ve always wanted to say that. Ha.) 

Q: What is your book going to be called? 

A: The Unborn and the Uninformed. Snazzy, huh? 

Q: How long will it be? 

A: 30,000 words. Give or take a lot. Right now it’s looking like 10 chapters,between 3,000 and 5,000 words each, which is approximately 15-20 pages each. That means the book could run between 150-300 pages. But all of that depends on font, font size, page size, publishing company, how editing goes, ect. Basically: ask me when I’m done. I don’t really have a clue. 

Q: Are you going to get it published? 

A: That’s the plan. 

Q: How will that work? 

A: Ideally, I’ll find a publisher. But that’s unlikely and very difficult to do, especially because my book is so unique. If publishing doesn’t work, I’ll self publish. 

Q: When will you be done? 

A: I’d love to be done by the time I graduate highschool, but I don’t have much control over that. The more I research, the more there is to write. The more I write, the more there is to edit. I’m relying on God’s timing for all of this, so whenever He decides He wants it done it’ll be done. James 4:13-17. 

Q: What’s the significance behind “twopointfive”?

A: 2.5 billion lives have been lost to abortion. That was the statistic that first hit me and has stuck with me the most. Long story short, when I sat down and tried writing for the first time, I named the document “2.5,” and the name just stuck. (For those of you who don’t know, twopointfive was the name of my survey project a year ago.) 

Thanks for reading :) 

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” James 1:27, ESV.