3 Down, 4 to Go!

I've been editing my heart out and fingers off. My deadline is Saturday, and I've finished three chapters with four more to go.

Of my completed chapters, I have 12,899 words, 33 printed pages, or 51 paperback book pages. That's just three of my nine chapters, so it's looking like this book will be around 150 pages. That's exactly the range I wanted it to be!

What is a good book size for you? Do you like nonfiction books to be around 150 pages, or longer, or shorter? Let me know what you think. I can't promise I'll make changes because of your request, my goal is content over size. However, I'm curious to hear your thoughts.

This is how diligent I am. Except I sit on the floor and my hair doesn't look like that and I use a laptop, not a desktop. 

Post. (Part Two)

Yesterday I edited chapter 1, today I got 2/3s of the way through chapter 2. Tomorrow I have the entire day to work on it, so my goal is to finish two, edit three, and start four tomorrow. 

Things have been going remarkably well lately. I feel so blessed. God is providing me with not only the patients to sit still for hours on end, but the ability to make quick decisions and fast changes and move on. I hate editing because I struggle so much with that, but lately I've been flying through it. It feels so good, especially after how tough last week was! 

My goal is to get my book to proof readers soon, hence the crazed editing right now. If anyone knows of a good way I can print in bulk (preferably inexpensively and quickly), then please let me know in the comments! 

Goodnight, dear reader. You are loved and not forgotten! 

(P.S. The title of this post still shows my inability to think of good titles.) 

Post.

Look at me,  I'm a party animal. 

This past week I had my highschool graduation party. The French family does not take the topic of graduation parties lightly, so I spent a whole lot of time cooking and cleaning and doing other such homely tasks as spray painting a twister board on my lawn and eating cookie dough.

This week I am attempting an entire book edit in a week. I have a looming deadline of the end of June, which is shortened by a family vacation, so I'm trying to get everything ready for proof readers by... Friday. Originally my list of things to do included rewriting a chapter, researching and outlining and drafting and editing (at least once) my two last chapters, and editing the remaining six. However, due to said graduation party and a pathetic spout of discouragement, I'm only managing to somewhat-research and outline the two chapters, edit the chapter I wanted to rewrite (which is much smarter and I feel dumb for not just doing that in the beginning), and edit the remaining six. All. Of. That. To. Say. :

This week is so much editing.

I'm off to my editing cave, I'll try to crawl out at some point and let you know how I'm doing. Or write about my feelings or a movie or an article I just read or how pathetic I feel when I write to much. Right now I'm feeling good, I just finished editing chapter 1! Solid start. Now back to work.

(The title of this post shows my inability to think of good titles.)

((Photo credit to Mrs. Huntington.))

When I Want to Burn Everything I've Ever Written

You know what I hate? Spending hours writing, then at the end of the day deciding all of what you wrote needed to be trashed. It's all worthless. It can't be used, and salvaging it would take as long as it took to write. Monkeys could have sat at a computer and typed random letters, and come up with something better than this.

It's on this kind of day I want to stand on my roof and scream for the entire world to hear,

"IT'S NOT WORTH IT!"

However, like every other day like this that I've experienced, it usually means I just need to move on. Copy and paste the 4,205 words of nonsense and an entire week of work to a file of such passages, and work on something else. I wonder if actually printing the pages and burning it would help me feel better. I bet on a good day I could think of some nice way to conclude this post with something meaningful that would make me feel better, but nothing's coming to me. So I conclude with the wise words of April Ludgate: "hard work never pays off."

Chapter 4

Today's goal: write chapter four (currently titled "'73") in under 5,500 words in four and a half hours.

Remember me complaining here and here and a bunch of other times too? Same chapter, only I finally feel like I'm starting to understand the material I'm writing about. Spending a semester studying this topic, writing a research paper on it, and finally giving a speech about it really made it click. Imagine that. Unfortunately, I'm scrapping most of the previous draft I have and starting fresh. I'm so hard to please sometimes!

What Writing Really Looks Like (or "Patheticness Embodied")

I was first introduced to the topic of abortion January of 2009 when I wrote a research paper on Margaret Sanger. In August of the same year I decided to write a book and began researching, then a few months later I actually began outlining. Ever since, "the book" has been weighing on my mind, causing me to carrying around notebooks for keeping ideas and lists of things to do and outlines, and making me spend all of my breaks from school writing in my room. When I talk to people about my writing, I would love for them to imagine me sitting in Starbucks, drinking a latte, wearing thick-rimmed glasses and with a thoughtful expression on my face. While I do go to Starbucks to write sometimes, I generally don't order lattes and I never look that cool. Most of the time when I write I'm at home, in my bedroom, alone, and looking pathetic. I wish the whole ordeal would look something like this:

Hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com 

Occasionally this is fairly accurate, but generally if I'm awake at 3:17 AM it's because I'm doing homework, and I can guarantee I never have that facial expression at that time or while doing homework. What's more, my posture while writing is far poorer than this picture depicts. Over the past year I've developed the habit of writing while sitting on my floor, ever since the pad on my desk chair fell off making it incredible uncomfortable. And when I say "sitting on my floor," I really mean curled up in a pathetic little ball of sweat pants and hoodie, under an electric blanket which is tangled with my computer cord, drinking my 3rd of 4th cup of coffee for the day, and forcing myself to remain still due to the caffeine and list of other things I'd rather be doing. There's usually a space heater, mismatching socks, a crooked braid in my hair, and two or three white boards with outlines and lists of facts involved. This has become a regular event for me, and it generally lasts 20 minutes-4 hours a day, depending on how much I don't want to be doing homework. Then once I begin homework, it, too, quickly spirals from me sitting in my armchair doing homework to slumped over in the same puddle of patheticness on my floor.

The only hope for me not becoming a hunch back by the time I'm 25 is either finishing this book in the next three days or fixing my desk chair. It's not looking too good.

Well there you have it. A mental image of me writing. I just wanted to clear that up for you in case you were picturing it all wrong.

Super Duper

While this blog may look like proof that I'm the most un-diligent person ever, I'm just so busy being diligent at everything else that I don't have time for blogging. That makes sense, right?

I have many things I could turn into entire posts, but I really don't feel like taking the time to write all of that, so I'll fall back to a super condensed combo-post with way too many unrelated things all mushed together. Cause that's what all the best bloggers do... I bet...

This post will mainly consist of things that I'm learning, in no particular order. I'm learning a super duper lot lately, and it's been amazing. Also, I should stop saying "super duper," because it makes me sound super duper unintelligent.

God is teaching me to let Him be strong in my weaknesses. I'm working on some very dark chapters right now, and it makes me feel so helpless against this evil. Abortion is huge and so devastating, I long to do something to end it. God has told me to do something, but it feels so small against everything working against me. What's more, I don't even feel like I'm capable of doing what He has given me to do. But, He is strong in my weakness. A friend pointed out to me that He wouldn't give me something to do that I can't, and I need to be weak so that He can be strong.

I love making London Fog Lattes, and I think when this blog post is done I will make one. (8 ounces extra strong earl gray tea, 6 ounces steamed milk, vanilla syrup to taste. Vanilla syrup is two parts sugar, one part water, and vanilla extract. You can thank me later.)

Also, God is so faithful, and He has my future in His hands. There are so many unknowns, but still my future looks bright and beautiful because He is already there. Also college. It's gonna happen.

Mumford and Sons' unreleased songs on Youtube are the best.

On the cross, God took my sin upon Him and gave me His righteousness. While I am not yet righteous and still sin, He sees me as already righteous. I have the capability of not sinning because of this. I am living in the already-but-not-yet. I love this so much.

Salutations,
Becca

Chapter 1, Chapter 1, and... Another Chapter 1.

Writing a book is a funny thing sometimes. At some point in my drafting process, I ended up with two Chapter 1's. Both have elements that need to be in chapter 1, but they are completely different. Today I set out for the daunting task that I had been putting off since I realized this problem a few months ago: combining them.

The first version is long, boring, rambling, and has lots of statistics. The other version is a story, happier, hopeful, and has no statistics. When I set out to combine them, I tried lots of really ineffective ways to make this an easy process that required no rewriting. Well, dear reader, after four hours of work I eventually just shoved it all aside and wrote a whole new outline. It combined all the major elements I need, has the same story and hopefull-ness as well as statistics I need, and even included the things I forgot to mention in my first two tries. Not only that, but I think I nailed the tone I wanted for the chapter.

I am so excited. I could not be more pleased. (Unless, of course, I had actually finished the whole chapter. But outlines are the bulk of drafting for me.) I'm one outline closer to being done!

Also, since I now have three versions of the same chapter, they all have snazzy nicknames. In case you were wondering.

This adorable child whose picture I stole from Google Images expresses my feelings well.

A Post About Posting Habits (and other things)

Once upon a time I posted something and said I would be consistent about posting, then I got really busy with finals and college applications and stuff. When I finally finished the semester and had three weeks off of school, I had no reason to procrastinate and thus, no reason to blog. Here I am yet again, the first Tuesday of my last semester of highschool, and I'm blogging again. Break ways amazing, but good news, world! The sleep deprived, caffeinated, blogging Becca is back!

(Another reason I stopped posting is that I decided I didn't want to post anything that wasn't super interesting and worth your time. Then I got shy and insecure and wondered why anything I had to say is worth your time. Then I got lazy. The latter is probably the most significant factor for my absence, however.)

I had some really good ideas for a blog post today, but I forgot them. Anyway. I have a ton of homework coming up, so stay tuned.

Plus also. It is my goal this semester (besides survive, finish highschool with decent grades, avoid senioritis as long as possible, get into college, make big decisions for my future, and learn some new songs on the ukulele) is to write for a minimum of 30 minutes everyday. Now, to be totally honest, I'm lacking motivation and excitement for writing these days (something you could pray for me about), but despite all of that I was able to write for about an hour today! If this is going to work in the long run, though, I need people bugging me about it to keep me accountable. My personal goals always fail because it's so easy for me to forget them. So bug me!

I think that's all I have so say for now. I'm sure after I post this, the floodgates will open and I'll have a million ideas. In the meantime, though, I must read my economics text and ponder philosophical things. (That makes "homework" sound so much more interesting and intelligent, am I right?)

Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and Happy freaking Holidays, everybody! I didn't get to write a nice, long post all about thankfulness and Jesus and nostalgia, but I'll probably find myself doing that in the middle of the night a few times this semester regardless of holidays when we're supposed to do it. So get excited. ;) Happy second semester, everybody!

College Application Essays

I'm writing a college application essay about an experience that has influenced my life. Naturally, I choose my experience writing a book as a teenager about one of the most controversial subjects of our time that I apparently have no authority to write about.

Now that I've really stopped to think about it, I realize I've learned so much from this book. If you wanna learn a lot about yourself, go write a book.

(P.S. I have a list of blog posts I want to write, but college applications and a 15 page research paper stand in my way first.)

One Third.

"At current rates, nearly one third of American women will have an abortion." That's four women in this Starbucks.

That was the final push I needed to finish chapter 1. It's about 5 pages long and desperately in need of a title and a good edit, but it's done. So much love is needed in this broken world, I pray God will use this chapter to help.

The Weight

This was originally posted in July of 2011 using tumblr. 

I can already tell this post is going to be very hard to write. This is a question that I still struggle with every day, though I have no idea how to answer it. I’ve been facing it for over two years and I still feel like I deal with it by improvising. Though I don’t have it anywhere near figured out, I’m learning a lot about what works and what doesn’t. Going through daily life with the weight of abortion is possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I choose the word “weight” carefully—feeling the emotional pain of so many children dying and women hurting who you can’t help and seeing such a huge battle ahead when you’re already tired, the only way to describe it is a weight. It wears you down, makes everything else seem tedious, exhausting, and so insignificant, and I’ve found it to even wear me out physically. There are so many people dying, they all need someone to grieve for them. There are so many women hurting, they all need someone to cry with them. How do I handle that while doing homework, babysitting, hanging out with family and friends, and doing chores?

I’ve had many dark days where the weight consumes me. I’ve had many days that are dark in another way because the weight seems to no longer matter. How I handle this weight effects my family, friends, performance in school, my productivity with book stuff, and my relationship with God. I don’t think it is humanly possible to excel in all of these areas—however, there is a way to prioritize and do my best at what matters. I just have to figure that out, now.

So how do I handle the weight of abortion? A very simple answer is to use it as fuel. People often tell me after I explain abortion that “that’s so sad” and “that makes me want to cry.” While it is heart-wrenching, I do not believe simple sadness is the answer. The Bible distinguishes the difference between anger and righteous anger; anger is a sinful, irrational, self-centered emotion, and righteous anger is joining God in a strong negative emotion toward something unjust that leads to action. Abortion does not call for sitting back and pitying the children being ripped limb from limb in their mother’s womb, but a fiery, passionate, righteous anger that leads to swift action to bring justice. Turn the weight into righteous anger, and let that fuel our work of bringing justice.

What Does That Look Like? 

Here’s the all-annoying question I ask myself way too much: how does this practically play out? How do I write a paper on Hamlet when I’d much rather do something to save another precious child’s life? How can I let the weight fuel my righteous anger and let that lead to action when I’m supposed to unload the dishwasher? (Speaking of which…) How do I comfort a friend who’s having personal issues when tens of thousands of lives are on the line every single day?

It’s an obvious tension we must walk in. I feel like Paul when He said, “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” He wanted to continue to serve God’s people, but he also longed to be rid of this world and meet his Savior in Heaven. There are days when I feel like I’m called to two lives, the “normal one” and the passionate one, and I can’t handle them both. I oftentimes find myself picking one or the other, but either way it ends up disastrous. All I can do is trust God. Trust Him to provide me the strength to live with this weight, trust Him to give me the ability to remain sane another day longer, trust Him that He knows the end of abortion and how we play into it, trust Him in everything. That’s my big and grand answer. I’ve been told by many caring people that I’m not made to carry this burden, and I believe that’s true to some extent. I’m not carrying it, Jesus carried abortion to the grave and left it there. However, I do believe there is incredible value in feeling it. There is value in feeling the weight. We are called to walk this tension, feel the pain abortion brings, mourn for the dead, mourn with those who feel it too, and let it fuel our righteous anger.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:8

Abortion History Jeopardy (because we both know you always wanted to know this)

This was originally posted in June of 2011 using tumblr. 

This week I’m working on a chapter about the history of abortion and how it became legalized in the United States. And ohhh boy. I have two books that are over 1200 pages long, and countless other books and articles that I’m trying to make heads or tails out of. I’m not very bright when it comes to law, so this has definitely been the most exhausting and excruciating chapter thus far. 

HOWEVER. I’ve found a way to make it interesting. 

There are some remarkable, crazy facts in the history of abortion. So I’ve been keeping track of them, you know, to whip out at that perfect time in conversation. Here’s a few of my favorites: 

• Margaret Sanger (the founder of Planned Parenthood), her first husband, William Sanger, was an architect who helped design Grand Central Station. He was also a Communist and Socialist. 
• Margaret Sanger got started politically when she heard the propagandist for the Bolshevik party (I forget his name) speak, then she became a Marxist. 
• Numerous cases (I could think of around 5) about birth control and abortion that lead up to Roe v. Wade all rhymed with Roe, including the companion case, Doe v. Bolton. 
• The case that legalized abortion, Roe v. Wade, happened when a woman named Jane Roe and her attorney Sarah Weddington sued the state of Texas for an abortion. Although Sarah Weddington had an illegal abortion a few years prior to the case and ran an abortion referral organization, she never helped Roe get an abortion. Roe put her child up for adoption and has never had an abortion. 
• The idea for Roe v. Wade began at a garage sale. 
• Sarah Weddington’s first case was Roe v. Wade. 
• Quite a few years after the case, Jane Roe (or her real name, Norma McCorvey) worked in an abortion clinic until a pro-life crisis pregnancy center moved in next door. Because of their love and kindness to her, she converted to Christianity and became pro-life. 
• Jane Roe/Norma McCorvey was almost aborted. 
• The companion case, Doe v. Bolton, was about the alleged Mary Doe suing for an abortion because she had health problems keeping her from using birth control. The real Mary Doe, Sandra Cano-Bensing, never wanted an abortion. She thought she was signing papers to get her children back in her custody. When her attorney made an appointment for an abortion for her, she left the state to protect her unborn child. 

See? I knew you always wanted to know that. You’re welcome, world. 

(If you’re interested about citations, ha, because I’m sure you’re as cool as me and are, email me: beccafrenchauthor@gmail.com) 

Why the Heck Are You Writing a Book?

Originally posted in February, 2011 on tumblr. 

Woo-hoo. Little Book Girl’s got herself a blog. 

For my first blog post ever, I wanted to explain the question I get asked more than any other: “Why the heck are you writing a book?” I’m a sixteen year old highschool girl who’s setting out on the ridiculous mission of writing a book. For teenagers. About abortion. Believe me, I’m still in shock too. It’s still an absurd thought that I would be doing something like this, and I laugh about it frequently. Let me try to explain why I’m doing this. 

In the Beginning, There Was a Research Paper

It started with a research paper, assigned to me in early 2009. The assignment was a 7-9 page paper on an American “anti-hero;” certainly a daunting task for ninth-grade me. The list of people we could choose from included Betty Friedan, Karl Marx, Charles Darwin, Margaret Sanger, and many more. While my topic was still undecided, one day my teacher came up to me at church and asked me about my paper. She told me, “You should write your paper on Margaret Sanger!” For some reason, I completely agreed with her and just took her word for it. From that moment on, I knew that’s what my paper needed to be about. It’s odd explaining it, but I felt as if it had already been decided. 

2.5 billion: Dead. 

I soon began researching the life and legacy of Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood. In my research I read books like Killer Angel by George Grant, Why Can’t We Love Them Both by Dr and Mrs Willke, and Won by Love by Norma McCorvey. I read dozens of pamphlets and brochures about everything related to abortion. I read websites like theunchoice,justfacts, and afterabortion. Everything I read lead me to one conclusion: abortion is a heinous act of murder and treachery, and somebody has to stop it. I clearly remember the moment, sitting at my desk in my room, reading Grant’s Killer Angel, when I read that 2.5 billion children have been killed by abortion. That has left far more than 2.5 billion people scarred by the abortion—mothers, fathers, siblings, family members, doctors, nurses…billions of people. I was stunned. I felt helpless against such a huge evil; there was nothing I could do. 

Do Hard Things 

Soon, I finished my paper and turned it in. I hadn’t totally forgotten about abortion, it seemed to lurk in the very back of my mind. I didn’t start thinking about it daily until later that summer. I read Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris and suddenly I could believe that teenagers could do big things too. Teenagers can, and are, changing the world. I attended their Rebelutionconference where I heard of Abort73. I looked them up when I got home, and the horrors of abortion became fresh in my mind again. Despite lots of other things going on in my life, abortion became the front and foremost thought in my mind. I memorized statistics. I littered my room with sticky notes. I read anything I could get my hands on about it. Finally, I emailed my teacher who I wrote my research paper for and asked her what to do about it. 

“Hey Becca, Write a Book”

A few weeks later, she came up to me at school and said something that, since that moment, has completely changed my life. “Becca, I think you should write a book.” She went on to explain how much teenagers need to know about this; it directly effects our lives and we have the power to do something about it. I knew right away this is what I had been waiting for; this is what I needed to do. I continued to pray about it. I was incredibly hesitant to tell even my friends and family for fear I would fail. But God gave me an incredible peace about it, and more faith than I had ever experienced before. This is what I was made to do. This is why I am here. I’ve become more comfortable with the thought of writing a book, it’s gone from terrifying to hilarious. God has provided for me in so many ways for this book—from giving me a free laptop right after first telling me to write a book, to people frequently sending me links to things right when I need them the most. It’s been an incredible growing experience for me, and I hope to share some of that with you as God moves, I write, and life goes on. I’m still figuring out how in the world you’re supposed to write a book (much less as a teenager and about abortion), and I’m blown away over and over again by God’s grace in the midst of this chaos. 

That is the condensed version of why I’m writing a book. God works in such mysterious ways, I could never write all of them in a blog. I don’t think even I will fully understand why I’m doing this—other than because God said to. Nothing brings me greater joy than doing this. I’m hoping I can share that with you through this blog. Let’s hope I actually update it :) 

Here are some more FAQs (I’ve always wanted to say that. Ha.) 

Q: What is your book going to be called? 

A: The Unborn and the Uninformed. Snazzy, huh? 

Q: How long will it be? 

A: 30,000 words. Give or take a lot. Right now it’s looking like 10 chapters,between 3,000 and 5,000 words each, which is approximately 15-20 pages each. That means the book could run between 150-300 pages. But all of that depends on font, font size, page size, publishing company, how editing goes, ect. Basically: ask me when I’m done. I don’t really have a clue. 

Q: Are you going to get it published? 

A: That’s the plan. 

Q: How will that work? 

A: Ideally, I’ll find a publisher. But that’s unlikely and very difficult to do, especially because my book is so unique. If publishing doesn’t work, I’ll self publish. 

Q: When will you be done? 

A: I’d love to be done by the time I graduate highschool, but I don’t have much control over that. The more I research, the more there is to write. The more I write, the more there is to edit. I’m relying on God’s timing for all of this, so whenever He decides He wants it done it’ll be done. James 4:13-17. 

Q: What’s the significance behind “twopointfive”?

A: 2.5 billion lives have been lost to abortion. That was the statistic that first hit me and has stuck with me the most. Long story short, when I sat down and tried writing for the first time, I named the document “2.5,” and the name just stuck. (For those of you who don’t know, twopointfive was the name of my survey project a year ago.) 

Thanks for reading :) 

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” James 1:27, ESV.