When the Going Gets Tough, the Simple Ability To Write Coherent Thoughts Just Abandons Me Entirely

Some people have natural born talents. Some struggle with things that come very easily to others. I, however, feel like the abilities that sometimes come so naturally from me will occasionally just stop existing.

I'm speaking in particular about my ability to write.

It's a real shame when my capability to write multiple coherent sentences in a row absolutely abandons me, say, mid-paragraph.

I'm editing chapter four about abortion history. You know, the chapter that I complain about incessantly. Because I'm not happy with any of the numerous versions of it I have written, I'm going over all of them and picking and choosing what is necessary. Sarah Weddington sued to change the abortion laws in Texas, creating the case Roe v Wade which legalized abortion in America. When I was part way through explaining Weddington's oral arguments, I wrote this:

She continued in saying that pregnancy interrupts a woman's life: areas of education, body, employment, family, and other relationships are often sacrificed because of an unplanned pregnancy. Because it so drastically effects her life, it should be her fundamental right to decide whether or not she continues her pregnancy. She keeps going on and on, but I'm sick of writing about this. Is it necessary or can I just say it sucks? 

Oh, but it gets better. Next come's Joy Floyd's oral argument after Weddington. (He was arguing for Wade, the anti-abortion position):

Floyd’s argument is feeble at best. When I first listened to the arguments I was expecting an epic battle for some reason. Really, it was just a pretty woman giving an emotional and passionate plea for “all women” (I wonder how she knew all women agreed with her points) and Floyd just flopping around not making any sense. He played ping pong with the justices arguing whether or not it’s a moot point because Roe delivered her baby already. “It’s a moot point,” “no it’s not, it’s for the good of all women,” “it’s a moot point,” “no it’s not, it’s for the good of all women,” “it’s a moot point,” “you’re stupid,” ect. After a while, he finally brings up the question of when life begins and whether or not abortion is murder. They just tell him that the beginning of life cannot be determined (see chapter two) and he gives it up. 

Ahem. Using verbs such as "flopping" and "played ping pong" is not advised when writing about a Supreme Court Case. Not to mention creating your own dialogue, inserting random parenthetical thoughts that could be considered an insult toward feminists, and this killer last paragraph:

The oral arguments of Roe v Wade are pretty surprising. Weddington gives a passionate plea for women’s rights and goes on about how a pregnancy restricts her freedoms. I can’t help but picture Floyd as an awkward teenage boy who wants to be anywhere but there. 

Ok, that's all. I just needed to humble myself.

3 Down, 4 to Go!

I've been editing my heart out and fingers off. My deadline is Saturday, and I've finished three chapters with four more to go.

Of my completed chapters, I have 12,899 words, 33 printed pages, or 51 paperback book pages. That's just three of my nine chapters, so it's looking like this book will be around 150 pages. That's exactly the range I wanted it to be!

What is a good book size for you? Do you like nonfiction books to be around 150 pages, or longer, or shorter? Let me know what you think. I can't promise I'll make changes because of your request, my goal is content over size. However, I'm curious to hear your thoughts.

This is how diligent I am. Except I sit on the floor and my hair doesn't look like that and I use a laptop, not a desktop. 

Post. (Part Two)

Yesterday I edited chapter 1, today I got 2/3s of the way through chapter 2. Tomorrow I have the entire day to work on it, so my goal is to finish two, edit three, and start four tomorrow. 

Things have been going remarkably well lately. I feel so blessed. God is providing me with not only the patients to sit still for hours on end, but the ability to make quick decisions and fast changes and move on. I hate editing because I struggle so much with that, but lately I've been flying through it. It feels so good, especially after how tough last week was! 

My goal is to get my book to proof readers soon, hence the crazed editing right now. If anyone knows of a good way I can print in bulk (preferably inexpensively and quickly), then please let me know in the comments! 

Goodnight, dear reader. You are loved and not forgotten! 

(P.S. The title of this post still shows my inability to think of good titles.) 

Post.

Look at me,  I'm a party animal. 

This past week I had my highschool graduation party. The French family does not take the topic of graduation parties lightly, so I spent a whole lot of time cooking and cleaning and doing other such homely tasks as spray painting a twister board on my lawn and eating cookie dough.

This week I am attempting an entire book edit in a week. I have a looming deadline of the end of June, which is shortened by a family vacation, so I'm trying to get everything ready for proof readers by... Friday. Originally my list of things to do included rewriting a chapter, researching and outlining and drafting and editing (at least once) my two last chapters, and editing the remaining six. However, due to said graduation party and a pathetic spout of discouragement, I'm only managing to somewhat-research and outline the two chapters, edit the chapter I wanted to rewrite (which is much smarter and I feel dumb for not just doing that in the beginning), and edit the remaining six. All. Of. That. To. Say. :

This week is so much editing.

I'm off to my editing cave, I'll try to crawl out at some point and let you know how I'm doing. Or write about my feelings or a movie or an article I just read or how pathetic I feel when I write to much. Right now I'm feeling good, I just finished editing chapter 1! Solid start. Now back to work.

(The title of this post shows my inability to think of good titles.)

((Photo credit to Mrs. Huntington.))

When I Want to Burn Everything I've Ever Written

You know what I hate? Spending hours writing, then at the end of the day deciding all of what you wrote needed to be trashed. It's all worthless. It can't be used, and salvaging it would take as long as it took to write. Monkeys could have sat at a computer and typed random letters, and come up with something better than this.

It's on this kind of day I want to stand on my roof and scream for the entire world to hear,

"IT'S NOT WORTH IT!"

However, like every other day like this that I've experienced, it usually means I just need to move on. Copy and paste the 4,205 words of nonsense and an entire week of work to a file of such passages, and work on something else. I wonder if actually printing the pages and burning it would help me feel better. I bet on a good day I could think of some nice way to conclude this post with something meaningful that would make me feel better, but nothing's coming to me. So I conclude with the wise words of April Ludgate: "hard work never pays off."

Chapter 4

Today's goal: write chapter four (currently titled "'73") in under 5,500 words in four and a half hours.

Remember me complaining here and here and a bunch of other times too? Same chapter, only I finally feel like I'm starting to understand the material I'm writing about. Spending a semester studying this topic, writing a research paper on it, and finally giving a speech about it really made it click. Imagine that. Unfortunately, I'm scrapping most of the previous draft I have and starting fresh. I'm so hard to please sometimes!

Grammar Matters, People

When people type like THIS and like this it makes me feel as though I am being PUNCHED REPEATEDLY in ThE fAcE!

Seriously.

What Writing Really Looks Like (or "Patheticness Embodied")

I was first introduced to the topic of abortion January of 2009 when I wrote a research paper on Margaret Sanger. In August of the same year I decided to write a book and began researching, then a few months later I actually began outlining. Ever since, "the book" has been weighing on my mind, causing me to carrying around notebooks for keeping ideas and lists of things to do and outlines, and making me spend all of my breaks from school writing in my room. When I talk to people about my writing, I would love for them to imagine me sitting in Starbucks, drinking a latte, wearing thick-rimmed glasses and with a thoughtful expression on my face. While I do go to Starbucks to write sometimes, I generally don't order lattes and I never look that cool. Most of the time when I write I'm at home, in my bedroom, alone, and looking pathetic. I wish the whole ordeal would look something like this:

Hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com 

Occasionally this is fairly accurate, but generally if I'm awake at 3:17 AM it's because I'm doing homework, and I can guarantee I never have that facial expression at that time or while doing homework. What's more, my posture while writing is far poorer than this picture depicts. Over the past year I've developed the habit of writing while sitting on my floor, ever since the pad on my desk chair fell off making it incredible uncomfortable. And when I say "sitting on my floor," I really mean curled up in a pathetic little ball of sweat pants and hoodie, under an electric blanket which is tangled with my computer cord, drinking my 3rd of 4th cup of coffee for the day, and forcing myself to remain still due to the caffeine and list of other things I'd rather be doing. There's usually a space heater, mismatching socks, a crooked braid in my hair, and two or three white boards with outlines and lists of facts involved. This has become a regular event for me, and it generally lasts 20 minutes-4 hours a day, depending on how much I don't want to be doing homework. Then once I begin homework, it, too, quickly spirals from me sitting in my armchair doing homework to slumped over in the same puddle of patheticness on my floor.

The only hope for me not becoming a hunch back by the time I'm 25 is either finishing this book in the next three days or fixing my desk chair. It's not looking too good.

Well there you have it. A mental image of me writing. I just wanted to clear that up for you in case you were picturing it all wrong.

Chapter 1, Chapter 1, and... Another Chapter 1.

Writing a book is a funny thing sometimes. At some point in my drafting process, I ended up with two Chapter 1's. Both have elements that need to be in chapter 1, but they are completely different. Today I set out for the daunting task that I had been putting off since I realized this problem a few months ago: combining them.

The first version is long, boring, rambling, and has lots of statistics. The other version is a story, happier, hopeful, and has no statistics. When I set out to combine them, I tried lots of really ineffective ways to make this an easy process that required no rewriting. Well, dear reader, after four hours of work I eventually just shoved it all aside and wrote a whole new outline. It combined all the major elements I need, has the same story and hopefull-ness as well as statistics I need, and even included the things I forgot to mention in my first two tries. Not only that, but I think I nailed the tone I wanted for the chapter.

I am so excited. I could not be more pleased. (Unless, of course, I had actually finished the whole chapter. But outlines are the bulk of drafting for me.) I'm one outline closer to being done!

Also, since I now have three versions of the same chapter, they all have snazzy nicknames. In case you were wondering.

This adorable child whose picture I stole from Google Images expresses my feelings well.

One Third.

"At current rates, nearly one third of American women will have an abortion." That's four women in this Starbucks.

That was the final push I needed to finish chapter 1. It's about 5 pages long and desperately in need of a title and a good edit, but it's done. So much love is needed in this broken world, I pray God will use this chapter to help.

Announcements Galore!

Originally posted on tumblr, hopefully for the last time! 

Oh, hey there! Long time no see! 

I haven’t posted anything in quite a while, as you’ve probably noticed. I took a much needed break from blogged to focus on researching, writing, editing, spending time with my family in Montana, spending time with friends in Michigan, and catching up on summer reading. It’s been a great last few weeks of summer and I’m getting geared up for my second to last semester of highschool! 

Now, drumroll please, I have a somewhat-large blog announcement. After much thought and prayer during the last few weeks, I’ve decided to move my blog. While Tumblr is great and it allowed me to do a lot, it didn’t fit my blog entirely. I would love to have an opportunity for people to comment and a way to follow or subscribe without having a Tumblr account. Because Tumblr offers neither of these, I couldn’t tell if my blog was actually going anywhere or if I was just filling the internet with more never-seen blog posts. I’ve learned a lot about blogging on Tumblr, so thank you all for allowing me to make classic blogging mistakes and learn from them here! My new blog can be found here (thankfully the address is similar enough to my Tumblr that it shouldn’t be too hard to remember): beccafrench.blogspot.com. I’ll probably keep the Tumblr and update it a few times after the switch and check it periodically, but I wont make any promises other than that. I’ve already moved some of my best (judged by my own humble opinion) posts to the blogspot address. But good news, you've already found this blog! 

Another announcement! On Tuesday, a week from this very day, I will be beginning my senior year of highschool. My schedule will be pretty packed, but I’ve done my best to account blogging into it. I’m hoping to get a good blogging routine and post at the same times each week so it’s easier for you to keep up with. I’m not telling you when that/those time(s) will be, I’m keeping it nice and ambiguous for you. Once school gets rolling I’ll see what I’m capable of :) 

And while I’m at it, how’s about another announcement. Apparently, combining your professional and personal social media accounts is the number one way to kill your writing career according to this. So, despite it feeling incredibly weird and awful, I’ve created for myself a second email and facebook account. I changed my personal facebook name to avoid unnecessary confusion, so look for the new (and currently quite unpopular) Becca French on facebook. 

Here’s a little recap for you with all these new changes: 

Facebook: Becca French, Cincinnati Ohio (same picture as here) 

Email: beccafrenchauthor@gmail.com 

Blog: beccafrench.blogspot.com 

Abortion History Jeopardy (because we both know you always wanted to know this)

This was originally posted in June of 2011 using tumblr. 

This week I’m working on a chapter about the history of abortion and how it became legalized in the United States. And ohhh boy. I have two books that are over 1200 pages long, and countless other books and articles that I’m trying to make heads or tails out of. I’m not very bright when it comes to law, so this has definitely been the most exhausting and excruciating chapter thus far. 

HOWEVER. I’ve found a way to make it interesting. 

There are some remarkable, crazy facts in the history of abortion. So I’ve been keeping track of them, you know, to whip out at that perfect time in conversation. Here’s a few of my favorites: 

• Margaret Sanger (the founder of Planned Parenthood), her first husband, William Sanger, was an architect who helped design Grand Central Station. He was also a Communist and Socialist. 
• Margaret Sanger got started politically when she heard the propagandist for the Bolshevik party (I forget his name) speak, then she became a Marxist. 
• Numerous cases (I could think of around 5) about birth control and abortion that lead up to Roe v. Wade all rhymed with Roe, including the companion case, Doe v. Bolton. 
• The case that legalized abortion, Roe v. Wade, happened when a woman named Jane Roe and her attorney Sarah Weddington sued the state of Texas for an abortion. Although Sarah Weddington had an illegal abortion a few years prior to the case and ran an abortion referral organization, she never helped Roe get an abortion. Roe put her child up for adoption and has never had an abortion. 
• The idea for Roe v. Wade began at a garage sale. 
• Sarah Weddington’s first case was Roe v. Wade. 
• Quite a few years after the case, Jane Roe (or her real name, Norma McCorvey) worked in an abortion clinic until a pro-life crisis pregnancy center moved in next door. Because of their love and kindness to her, she converted to Christianity and became pro-life. 
• Jane Roe/Norma McCorvey was almost aborted. 
• The companion case, Doe v. Bolton, was about the alleged Mary Doe suing for an abortion because she had health problems keeping her from using birth control. The real Mary Doe, Sandra Cano-Bensing, never wanted an abortion. She thought she was signing papers to get her children back in her custody. When her attorney made an appointment for an abortion for her, she left the state to protect her unborn child. 

See? I knew you always wanted to know that. You’re welcome, world. 

(If you’re interested about citations, ha, because I’m sure you’re as cool as me and are, email me: beccafrenchauthor@gmail.com) 

Moses

Originally posted in March, 2011 on tumblr. 

Note: this was posted a while ago, and thanks to some hardcore editing I'm not nearly as close to being finished now as I was then. This isn't a bad thing at all, it's just how editing happens. 

Stress and Big Prayers

After a much needed two week spring break and a week of being sick, now “real life” has to start again. The other day I was thinking about the coming quarter, I got slightly overwhelmed at the lists of things that needs to be done. Besides school, there’s babysitting and family and so so much writing to be done to keep me busy. With only four chapters left to write (only one of which requires a lot of research! Hallelujah!), completing the first draft seems so close but still just out of reach. While thinking about all of this, I began praying. “Help me glorify You. Did I say that wrong? Be glorified through me. In me. Despite me. This is one of those scary prayers that I don’t know if I want to pray—but I feel as if I must. Help me depend on You. Make me depend on You.” In the book Forgotten God Francis Chan talks about how God will do something completely unexpected in the most unlikely person possible in order for Him to be glorified even more. I’ve been thinking about that a lot the last few years. 

Unlikely People Doing Unexpected Things

My favorite example is Moses, because he was so unlikely for the job God gave him to do. He was born an Israelite, but grew up in Pharaoh’s house as an Egyptian. When he was around 40, he went out and saw an Egyptian beating a Israelite man. Moses killed the Egyptian and buried his body, which made the Israelites fear him. Once Pharaoh heard Moses had killed an Egyptian, Pharaoh tried to kill him as well. In a matter of days, Moses found himself belonging nowhere and hated by everyone. I can’t imagine that in my own life; everything being normal one day, then suddenly everyone hating me and trying to kill me. He ran, and left behind him his family, friends, everything familiar and dear to him. Years later God came to Moses in an unlikely way, a burning bush, to give him an unlikely task. 

God said to go back to the country where he’s an outlaw. Go to the man you grew up with as a brother who probably now hates you (who happens to be the king by now), and tell him to let all of his slaves go. Then become their leader, despite the fact they hated you too, and bring them out of oppression and into the wilderness. After hearing this, Moses promptly reminds God that he has a speech impediment (which is kind of funny, actually). All the odds are against him. There were so many people who would have been a more reasonable choice to do what God was telling Moses to do. What does God say? “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak” (Exodus 4:11-12). Now, it seems unlikely enough that the most powerful king on earth would listen to a man without an army when he said to let all of his slaves go free. Then throw in the other variables that Moses was an outlaw, wasn’t exactly on friendly terms with anyone, and could very easily be thrown into slavery with his fellow Israelites. Not to mention he was putting his own family at risk by bringing them to Egypt with him. But God had a bigger plan: “Now therefore go, and I will be your mouth.” God wants to use our weaknesses to show off His strength. I used to always think He made us with our different talents and abilities so we can serve Him best. While that’s somewhat true, I think He gives us our weaknesses even more for Him to be glorified. 

I’m not an outlaw, I’m not hated by everyone, I’m not suffering from a speech impediment, and there aren’t people plotting my death, but I do have my own weaknesses. There are so many things that should disqualify me for doing what God has me to do. I have nothing interesting about me to make people want to read what I have to say, I’m not that great of a writer, I’m only sixteen years old… Just to name the most obvious, but the list goes on and on. However, God is telling me to “go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” 

Prayer Is an Opportunity for God to Shine 

Asking God to make me depend on Him is intimidating. Actually, it’s really, really scary. Setting out to write a book on on of the most heated topics of our time as a teenager is really, really scary and intimidating. Praying and asking God to end abortion and the daily murder of thousands of innocent children is also scary and intimidating. But God is a big God, and if we don’t depend fully on Him, He wont have the opportunity to provide for us in big ways. If we’re not weak, He wont have the opportunity to be our strength. If we don’t pray big prayers, He wont have the opportunity to give us big answers. 

So, these next few months, I’m going to be depending on God. The normal Becca stresses out each week because of just homework, and really can’t manage much at all. Instead of freaking out, I’m learning to ask: What is God going to do despite of my weaknesses next?