This was originally posted in July of 2011 using tumblr.
I can already tell this post is going to be very hard to write. This is a question that I still struggle with every day, though I have no idea how to answer it. I’ve been facing it for over two years and I still feel like I deal with it by improvising. Though I don’t have it anywhere near figured out, I’m learning a lot about what works and what doesn’t. Going through daily life with the weight of abortion is possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I choose the word “weight” carefully—feeling the emotional pain of so many children dying and women hurting who you can’t help and seeing such a huge battle ahead when you’re already tired, the only way to describe it is a weight. It wears you down, makes everything else seem tedious, exhausting, and so insignificant, and I’ve found it to even wear me out physically. There are so many people dying, they all need someone to grieve for them. There are so many women hurting, they all need someone to cry with them. How do I handle that while doing homework, babysitting, hanging out with family and friends, and doing chores?
I’ve had many dark days where the weight consumes me. I’ve had many days that are dark in another way because the weight seems to no longer matter. How I handle this weight effects my family, friends, performance in school, my productivity with book stuff, and my relationship with God. I don’t think it is humanly possible to excel in all of these areas—however, there is a way to prioritize and do my best at what matters. I just have to figure that out, now.
So how do I handle the weight of abortion? A very simple answer is to use it as fuel. People often tell me after I explain abortion that “that’s so sad” and “that makes me want to cry.” While it is heart-wrenching, I do not believe simple sadness is the answer. The Bible distinguishes the difference between anger and righteous anger; anger is a sinful, irrational, self-centered emotion, and righteous anger is joining God in a strong negative emotion toward something unjust that leads to action. Abortion does not call for sitting back and pitying the children being ripped limb from limb in their mother’s womb, but a fiery, passionate, righteous anger that leads to swift action to bring justice. Turn the weight into righteous anger, and let that fuel our work of bringing justice.
What Does That Look Like?
Here’s the all-annoying question I ask myself way too much: how does this practically play out? How do I write a paper on Hamlet when I’d much rather do something to save another precious child’s life? How can I let the weight fuel my righteous anger and let that lead to action when I’m supposed to unload the dishwasher? (Speaking of which…) How do I comfort a friend who’s having personal issues when tens of thousands of lives are on the line every single day?
It’s an obvious tension we must walk in. I feel like Paul when He said, “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” He wanted to continue to serve God’s people, but he also longed to be rid of this world and meet his Savior in Heaven. There are days when I feel like I’m called to two lives, the “normal one” and the passionate one, and I can’t handle them both. I oftentimes find myself picking one or the other, but either way it ends up disastrous. All I can do is trust God. Trust Him to provide me the strength to live with this weight, trust Him to give me the ability to remain sane another day longer, trust Him that He knows the end of abortion and how we play into it, trust Him in everything. That’s my big and grand answer. I’ve been told by many caring people that I’m not made to carry this burden, and I believe that’s true to some extent. I’m not carrying it, Jesus carried abortion to the grave and left it there. However, I do believe there is incredible value in feeling it. There is value in feeling the weight. We are called to walk this tension, feel the pain abortion brings, mourn for the dead, mourn with those who feel it too, and let it fuel our righteous anger.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:8
Hey Becca, Corey Lavold (Hitchcock) here.. I noticed your post on Facebook that you were moving your blog... So out of curiosity, I hit the link and followed you through cyberspace all the way here. I ended up reading every single post you put here so far and I have to tell you that you have me floored. Your insights, passion, and depth of spirit are beautiful and deeply humbling. Not only do you speak from the heart, but you also know your facts and you give evidence for what you believe--two really powerful things! I couldn't just read and not respond. I'm sure you hear it all the time from those who know you better than me, but you are an incredible person, and you are going to do FANTASTIC things in this world as a teenager and beyond. I just want to encourage you, as the daughter of a writer and someone who has seen first-hand how hard writing is, don't be discouraged, and even in discouragement don't ever give up. You remind me of I Timothy 4:11 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." ps. The rest of that chapter is pretty applicable too. You're doing just that by putting you ideas out there, so thank you for living that out! Okay, I've rambled enough :).
ReplyDeleteThank you so so so much, Corey! You are very encouraging. I'm still surprised when people read my blog, much less read lots of it and reply! Thank you so much. :)
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